Dear Mr colonel,

I’d like to congratulate you on achieving the impossible and running out of chicken when all you bloody well sell is chicken.

That’s like B&Q running out of paint, Icelands running out of frozen food or the cinema running out of films …….
except my daughter doesn’t want paint, frozen food or films, she wants chicken, popcorn chicken to be exact, bucket loads to swim in her giant pot of gravy and then fill her cute, chubby cheeks.

I’ve watched chicken gate closely this week knowing that Saturday would soon be upon us, the day my daughter expects a KFC, the day I can not drive past KFC without her best pointing finger coming out and directing me to the place that sells the chicken she so craves.

I was a bit worried that Saturday would come, you would be closed and my daughter wouldn’t let me forget it.

You see telling a child with autism who knows it’s Saturday and Saturday is chicken day but alas there’s no chicken is like explaining quantum theory to toddlers. Its unfathomable, incomprehensible, there was no way she would understand. Not only that but this would be a fate similar to me having to listen to ‘five little monkeys’ all day on loop, it’s torturous and it’s draining Mr colonel I can tell you.

BUT

today you gave me hope.

After a long journey I was overjoyed to find that you had reopened.

Hooray I was saved!

We pulled up, happy kids in the back of the car and I ran in, ran to the counter and with a huge smile on my face I asked for popcorn chicken…… only you didn’t have popcorn chicken, you only had regular chicken.

Hope snatched in a heartbeat.

I deflated like a very badly inflated balloon.

In desperation your staff tried to offer me everything else – chicken fillet, fillet burgers, chicken on the bone, I don’t think they understood that chicken on the bone is not flipping popcorn chicken, a burger is not flipping popcorn chicken, only popcorn chicken is flipping well popcorn chicken.

I told the poor Mr behind your counter that my daughter will only eat popcorn chicken and I would be taking my business next door to McDonalds.

Only chicken McNuggets do not induce the same happy feeling in my daughter. She expected her chicken, she wanted her chicken and she didn’t get her chicken.

It’s chicken Saturday for pity’s sake.

Also you don’t get chicken stamps at McDonald’s and I collect a heck of a lot of chicken stamps Mr Colonel, I may well be keeping one of your staff in a job with what we spend at your establishment.

The only saving grace was that my son couldn’t care less if he’s having a KFC or a McDonald’s so he was at least happy.

Please Mr Colonel sort this fiasco out to save parents of autistic children everywhere such disappointment.

It’s not that hard is it…..
You buy chicken
You cook chicken
You make popcorn chicken
We buy popcorn chicken
My kids eat popcorn chicken
My kids are happy
I am happy and have my sanity still in tact

Thank you in anticipation of next Saturday!